Autism in Maine

Written by Meghan Diggles, 2010

Erin is no longer the pained woman in these photos. Erin passed away on March 22, 2004 after a nine month battle with allopathic stress overload and an immune system dysfunction. For twenty-five years, Erin lived with a severe level of autism, and it was only through her process of death and dying that she returned to the comfort of her spirit.

Our mother, Jane Gagnier, recalls Erin's birth as effortless and nearly ecstatic: a truly spiritual experience. As easily as Erin was born, she also exited. Yet life was not easy for Erin. Erin's life ended too early for any mother to fully understand and accept.

In these pictures, it is apparent that Erin struggled between the physical and spiritual realms. From birth she never dared to enter life fully--eyes and fists closed tightly for the first 3 days of life. It was as if the demands on her, from the beginning, were too much to bear.

So when death and dying entered her field of choice, she ceased suffering and began to appear peaceful --even joyful. Facial grimacing and clenched fists were put on the shelf. Dying appeared to bring relief as the gap between the two realms narrowed, allowing free passage of her spirit. Like many trapped in the mysterious web of autism, Erin struggled with an attempt to be-never really entering life-always dancing on the rim of the human costume.

Our mother believes that Erin was her greatest teacher: her purpose was silently to teach all who had the opportunity to be near her. Erin, like others with autism, is teaching us about imbalances in our food, soil, air, water and in our emotional and spiritual selves.